A Day of Rememberance

It was twelve and seven years ago today that my world was altered. A brother and an uncle moved on to life beyond this mortal coil. The space they left will always ache until we are reunited. I've spent some time reflecting on their lives and the words I wrote last year on this date to commemorate them still hold true.

Last year I wrote:

Today, September 11th marks the departure from this world of two of my favorite people. My brother Thaddeus and my uncle Jonathan, two great souls who lived life with passion and hearts open to God. I shall never forget the friendship we shared. My memories are a mix of joy and sorrow. and I marvel at the depth to which I've been touched from having known them. Time, and the years that have passed since their departing has faded some memories and magnified other memories (the jolly and the not so jolly are affected) . If you had the good fortune to know either of them you know of which I speak for you have some memories of them too. My brother Thaddeus died on September 11 , 1996. My uncle Jonathan died on September 11, 2001

Reflections on the Prodigal Son

Have you ever looked at the story of the the prodigal son - beyond the typical Sunday School version? Today I got a new glimpse into its significant meaning.

Jesus is talking about my Creator's love for me. He is describing how God longs for relationship and goes beyond what I expect.

In the parable, the father's love forgives and restores without reservation. Do you think he would not have accepted his son if his son had not repented? I don't see that in the text. I read that "while the son was still a long way off the father, [motivated by a compassionate heart] ran to meet his son, hugged and kissed him." All this was done before the son could open his mouth to say anything ... anything.

Do I really believe the creator of my body and soul loves me like that? I would like to say so, but honestly, I'm not sure. You see, it seems so unconditional and irrational. The son squandered everything and made a total mess. Yet his father cleaned and dressed him up, put a ring on his finger, shoes on his feet, and threw a huge party for him, restoring him completely.

Love like that sounds good, but how many of us have experienced it? How many times were you and I told that we needed to shape up to get something as a kid? Or taught by teachers and bosses to seek acceptance through our performances?

Are we still striving for acceptance and approval? Doesn't life teach us that works = worth or that performance = value?

Jesus was saying something totally different. Rereading this Parable of Jesus (found in Luke 15:11-24) has rocked my world and challenged my belief to it's core.

Take another look. Read it for yourself. Let it rock your world.

Getting up early for The Nielson Challenge

I rolled out of bed early this morning - on a Saturday! - to head downtown to participate in The Nielson Challenge.  It's a two-mile course sponsored monthly by our local running club, Pikes Peak Road Runners, that is free to the public. The race was established to promote running and help novice runners like me improve our times.  

My wife has really caught the running bug over the summer and has got me running as well ... however, I must confess that my competitive side is what got me up this morning! I couldn't let my wife go and not know how my time compares to hers. So out of bed early it was.

We reached the park at 7:15 a.m. and checked in. We got our numbers and went back up to the car to keep warm and wait for the start which was at 8 a.m. It was quite chilly this morning. At ten minutes to eight, we jogged over to the start and did a few stretches with the other people running around and warming up; a good crowd of runners were milling about. I'd say that there were probably fifty or sixty on hand for the start.

The organizers gave us instructions regarding the course and at ten past eight the "gun" was sounded. Being the cocky novice, of course, I was at the front and took off with the leaders. I was swept up with the thrill of the moment. Here I was in my first official race! It didn't matter that it had been over two weeks since my last jog around the neighborhood. For the first sixty seconds I was feeling pretty good ... then I began to suck air. People began to pass me; first a little kid, then some women. I decided that I needed to cut back on my pace (despite my pride) and start breathing through my nose if I was going to make it.

Two minutes into the race my calves started to tighten up, and just when I thought about slowing even further I saw the first couple of runners passing me going the other way! This meant that the turnaround (1/2 mile) must be close ... I just had to make it there. I reached the marker and as I turned, a couple of bystanders encouraged my efforts. I started to believe. Plus, there was this young teenager in front of me in a red jumpsuit that I couldn't let out of my reach, which meant I had to keep up the pace. The next half-mile I continued to struggle but eventually found a rhythm in my breathing. One mile done!

Then the course headed into a shady area and a breeze picked up. I got a little chilled. Thinking about the cold made my mind start to wander and my breathing and rhythm got off track. The kid ahead of me began to pull away. As I tried to keep up, a pain shot into in my ribcage. I had a stitch. I wasn't getting enough oxygen to my lungs. I let the boy go and determined to keep my arms and legs pumping. I was not going to walk! At one and a half miles a few more women passed me. It was OK. All I could think about was finishing. Soon my breathing returned to normal and I began to feel better. I envisioned the finish and before I knew it I could see the clock. Racing toward it, a feeling of exhilaration coursed through me as I crossed the finish line. I had done it! 

I felt really good. Yes, it was worth getting up early. I stuck around to find out my time. I'd finished in 17:08. My personal best, averaging 8:34 a mile! My wife was about a minute behind me.

Now I think I really have caught the running bug ... I'm going to have to do better next month when the Nielson Challenge comes around again!

Replacing Lost Things

After turning my things upside down looking for my lost ID the last couple of days, I decided to bite the bullet and make a trip to the local Department Of Revenue to get it replaced.

I walked in the DOR and 4 & 1/2 hours later walked back out with a piece of paper that assures me that for my time and money ($14.00), I will receive by mail, the official laminated card with my picture on it within the next 30 days! I must admit that I did get to pass the time multi-tasking, I read a great sales book, studied and took the written test to remove the air-brake restriction from my current license. I did find out that I'll have to take another general written driving test and a behind the wheel driving test if I want to add the passed air break test to my current license. so it looks like the DOR will be getting more moolah if I get a job that requires a passed air brake test as a driving condition!!

By the way I still find myself looking in vain for my lost ID in places that are illogical, go figure!

Searching for what is Lost

Have you ever lost something that is extremely important or dear to your heart? What do you do about it? How do you go about finding it?

I recently lost or miss-placed my drivers license, I think it's kind of crucial to getting around. So what have I done?

1) I thought back to the last place I remember having it and retraced my steps.

2) looked in all the logical places as I retraced my steps.

3)As my anxiety grew I began to look in illogical places that I knew it could not be but was hoping by some miracle it would be.

4) I left no corner unreached.

My actions got me thinking. My mind and actions become illogical at times of high stress and anxiety, my emotions get the better of me and the the dersire to find what was lost drives me to extremes. I begin looking vainly in places that don't make sense. Some times I look in illogical places first and then in the logical ones. Why is this?

Emotion once riled up creates impulsive and at times irrational actions. i.e. the ID could not be in pants that havn't been worn in months, or in a jacket that I havn't worn since before I lost the ID. yet that is where I looked and searched. The result was waisted time and effort.

The frantic nature of my search as subusided because I've got some new information. It has changed the nature of my search and almost brought it to an end.

The drive to find the ID is still there but once I found out that I can get a replacement for a nominal fee at the DMV my axiety has been replaced with peace.

With my new peace of mind I can see that I have acted rashly and illogically at times in my search for the ID. And it makes me wonder how I have gone about other quests for things in my life.

Am I living my life from a place of anxiety and fear or am I living from a place of deep seated peace? I must comfess that it seems most of the time I have lived out of the former and found myself acting and pursuing things that are illogical and empty, fools gold. Yet the times when I am living from a place of peace, my steps are ordered and clarity moves me in the direction of my dreams.

So what have I learned? when I find myself being axious I need to :

1) take the time to catch my breath and return to peace.

2) then and only then resume or

3) redirect my efforts based on that peace.

Now it's time for me to practice this! I hope you will to!

Facing Fears and Goldfish.

Ever been told you were not good enough, that you were a second choice because the first choice that was really wanted was not available? how did it affect you? as a 9 year old in the midst transition, trying to fit in, fresh off the boat from Africa this experience had a profound affect on my view of myself. 24 years later I'm still thinking about it and self diagnosing it.

I've been told to get over my past that it is keeping me from living fully in the present. I know that to be true but believing that I'm better than second place and second class is easier said than done.

It's a belief that I've allowed to take root in me.

I've gotten comfortable and familiar with the way I see myself. My fears are predictable and provide the boundaries to my comfort zone, keeping me from exploring new horizons and successes. I've become like the goldfish who is out of his small bowl and in a bathtub but doesn't venture beyond the space of the fishbowl even though the glass is no longer there.

Time to reexamine if I'm still that little 9 yr old who believed that lie from a grown-up.

OK I just checked...no I'm not. So what do I do with it now? Time to let go of feeling and seeing myself as only good enough for second place in life.

The fear is a fear of letting it go because now I'll have to act like it's not true and I've never done that before.

It is one step out of the comfort zone... I'll let you know how it goes changing my belief and life! I am capable of being nunber 1 and I want that for ME!!

Time has and does not stand still

WOW! it's obvious that I haven't spent time jotting my thoughts on here as I thought I would...while I haven't been sharing my journey I've still been living my life and I think it's time to bring this space up to date.

Last time I wrote we had recently arrived here and everything was in a state of flux, now a half a year later, with a couple of months of winter weather left,(we seem to be adjusting to the cold just fine!), I can say with certainty that the decision to move out to the foot of the rocky mountains was one of the best decisions we (my wife and I) have made to date! and
God has been gracious and we feel blessed to be where we are. Our relationship with one another is deeper and fuller and more in line with each other.

Considering that we left "everything" ; friends, family, jobs and "stability" behind in the move from CA, we are rejoicing to have a great apartment with sweeping views of the mountains, my wife has a thriving private piano studio and I have been working at a job that has helped me get physically in the best shape I've been in in years!

All of the above blessings came together just at the right time within the same week, (the apartment became available to us, my job and my wife getting the leads for her students)! It was so miraculous! Thanks be to God!

I am also at a place in my life where I am realizing that I am refreshed and willing to start to share with and willing to serve others.

I have recently started to believe that the experiences of my life have prepared me to pursue a career as a public speaker. As someone who brings value to others surrounded by the pressures and challenges of cross cultural living and working, especially those in the midst of the cultural transition process.

So I think I've found my passion in life!
... now it's time to pursue it! Thanks for being on this journey with me!