It's been 8 months of life since my last post below... how time flies!! So much has happened and so much learning... how to bring this blog up to the present?
Contemplation. Thought. Emotion. Reaction. Action. The stuff of life that makes the world real around us. The forces both external and internal that shape our perception of what is possible and improbable. Some say this life is a dream or a vapor and that reality is just the construct of our minds. What we believe about the world and people around us directly affects the way we deal with this thing called life. Our beliefs are reinforced by experience. So what have I been upto?
Friendsip, & Love, Work, and Derby in the mix. Trips with Plane rides, scooter rides, what keep I re-realizing is that if I don't write things down I loose the memories...
In the area of frendship and love ...Last September through the beginning January of this year I was dating a friend (who I admire very much) who through out the year and a half we shared life, made me think and helped me enjoy life. She helped me uncover some of the suff about myself that I didn't want to address or deal with. I am still working on those things and though our paths diverged I can say that I know we are both better people for all we shared.
I didn't write here because I was too preocupied and caught up in living! and maybe I was a little lazy to keep up writing... ;)
I'm the type that only slows down when my body tires out and so today I'm in bed since my body has told me the last two days to take it easy. While my body rests my mind and thoughts contemplate back over my expriences that have brought me to this point.
in the area of work...Since the begining of the year, work has begun to shift and some of the priorties and desires I have had for the job I have are starting tto take place. I have a new boss that believes in me and what I'm capable of. I'm stretching myself and looking forward to this new year. More schooling is part of the eqation and next week I take the national certification exam for Certification in Volunteer Administration after which I will submit a portfolio of my work.
Part of that work is assembling a cross-funtional team made up of board members, staff and volunteers to look at our volunteer programs from the ground up. Tomorrow we will be meeting for the first time to craft a philosphy statment about volunteers within our organization. I am really excited about it and the possibilities for our team and the impact they will have on our organization as a whole.
In the area of Derby... Roller Derby that is...It's kept me sane and been so fun! I know I've mentioned this before but... when I'm on my skates in the middle or on the outside of the action at a bout... or just skating for fun, that is when I am most at peace and at ease with my place in the world. This weekend is another upcoming double header. If you are local come check it out at the colorado Springs City Auditorium if not so close than you can watch online ... http://www.coloradosports.tv/ on Saturday June 19th 6pm-9pm Mountain Time.
I recently returned from a trip to PA to celebrate the life time of love of my grandparent's. It was their 60th wedding anniversary and my grandmother's 80th birthday party... what fun it was and a reminder of how much family means to me. and to quote my Oma "You don't get to age 80 by holding back!"
with tthe mix of friendship & love, work and fun... my life continues to be a journey that is teaching me what it means to life it to the fullest... one of those lessons over and over again is that we can't live life to the fullest alone... so if you are feeling that way please share your story with me.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Sept. 11 Today I remember Thaddeus and Jonathan
September 11th 1996 and 2001 have made today a coincidental matching mile stone and memorial date for me and my family.
10 & 15 years ago... How the years and the stretch of time have shaped my memories of the departures of my older brother Thaddeus and my Uncle Jonathan from my life.
I take time to celebrate them as best I can today. Yet time and space have pushed them in to the mists of family lore. I remember them as the idealized versions of who they really were. From the pictures they are forever as they were, kind, generous, quirky, filled with a zest for life. My mind mixes actual memories with what I have imagined of them in the time since they have been gone.
I'm sure today I'll call up my parents and grand parents and siblings and we will reminisce and we will cherish the memories and add to the lore of my brother and uncle's lives in the natural course recalling how their lives touched our own.
After all, isn't life, this journey, the sum of it all in the people that touch us and who we touch; in who we connect or disconnect with?
In my daily life I subconsciously feel Thad and Jon and their impact on me; Thad more than Jon. Thad and I were the two at the beginning of the Randall Ring family clan of 10 siblings. Just 18 months apart in age, we spent much time as youngsters doing what brothers do, (getting into mischief with and fighting each other). I idolized my older brother even when we were kids, he was always breaking new ground, he never did follow the crowd of kids around him. I think he is one of the reasons I march to the beat of my own drummer and enjoy it. From both Thad and Jon I am reminded that life is too short to always be conventional. The memory I have of them makes me want to live life to the fullest!
So who were these two guys the ones I remember today? Just two regular guys who went about their lives as best they could and who never fully knew how much their living and dying would touch me as I live the joy and mess that is my own life.
Thaddeus Randall Ring and Jonathan Randall you both live in my head and heart. Thanks for being part of my life.
Date Etched in Memory September 11
10 & 15 years ago... How the years and the stretch of time have shaped my memories of the departures of my older brother Thaddeus and my Uncle Jonathan from my life.
I take time to celebrate them as best I can today. Yet time and space have pushed them in to the mists of family lore. I remember them as the idealized versions of who they really were. From the pictures they are forever as they were, kind, generous, quirky, filled with a zest for life. My mind mixes actual memories with what I have imagined of them in the time since they have been gone.
I'm sure today I'll call up my parents and grand parents and siblings and we will reminisce and we will cherish the memories and add to the lore of my brother and uncle's lives in the natural course recalling how their lives touched our own.
After all, isn't life, this journey, the sum of it all in the people that touch us and who we touch; in who we connect or disconnect with?
In my daily life I subconsciously feel Thad and Jon and their impact on me; Thad more than Jon. Thad and I were the two at the beginning of the Randall Ring family clan of 10 siblings. Just 18 months apart in age, we spent much time as youngsters doing what brothers do, (getting into mischief with and fighting each other). I idolized my older brother even when we were kids, he was always breaking new ground, he never did follow the crowd of kids around him. I think he is one of the reasons I march to the beat of my own drummer and enjoy it. From both Thad and Jon I am reminded that life is too short to always be conventional. The memory I have of them makes me want to live life to the fullest!
So who were these two guys the ones I remember today? Just two regular guys who went about their lives as best they could and who never fully knew how much their living and dying would touch me as I live the joy and mess that is my own life.
Thaddeus Randall Ring and Jonathan Randall you both live in my head and heart. Thanks for being part of my life.
Date Etched in Memory September 11
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Hold Me
My younger brother Hiram is a singer/songwriter who has a real gift for illuminationg life and it's longing through melody and harmony. His current song "HOLD ME" has touched me deeply because I have felt that of which Hiram sings. For it has been the cry of my heart to.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Learning to love
I've lived and loved and lost... and learned to love again and lost again. So spins the wheel of life. When I feel like I have a handle on life it boxes my ears and tells me to pay attention.
In the months that have passed since I last put my hands to the keyboard to leave a note here, I can see that I've been a fool.
I have all these great theories of life and how it is supposed to work. Yet when lady love bid me grab her hand and join her feast, I, like the fool who spouts his false wisdom, blocked my heart from her invitation and made silly arguments as to why I could not clasp the hand at her side. When I realized my folly and sought her out, the moment had passed and lady love had already caught the hand of another.
At least I have realized what I really want. And Yes it is love. To love and be loved.
Not the the love of a fleeting moment of passion, but love that grows... from learning from one another and sharing life together. From friendship and trust, from laughter and sorrow, mistakes and triumphs.
This is my broken heart continually mending, distinguishing the light from the darkness along the way.
Tyrone Wells express how I feel in the song "All Broken Hearts" posted below
In the months that have passed since I last put my hands to the keyboard to leave a note here, I can see that I've been a fool.
I have all these great theories of life and how it is supposed to work. Yet when lady love bid me grab her hand and join her feast, I, like the fool who spouts his false wisdom, blocked my heart from her invitation and made silly arguments as to why I could not clasp the hand at her side. When I realized my folly and sought her out, the moment had passed and lady love had already caught the hand of another.
At least I have realized what I really want. And Yes it is love. To love and be loved.
Not the the love of a fleeting moment of passion, but love that grows... from learning from one another and sharing life together. From friendship and trust, from laughter and sorrow, mistakes and triumphs.
This is my broken heart continually mending, distinguishing the light from the darkness along the way.
Tyrone Wells express how I feel in the song "All Broken Hearts" posted below
Friday, September 24, 2010
Life from the Unseen
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
by Marianne Williamson
This is one of my favorie quotes and makes me contemplate the life that we live. How much time and attention do we give to that part of our experience and surroundings that are unseen? How much credence do we give to the immaterial? There seems to be an interesting relationship between the physical/tangible and the world that our eyes do not see visibly.
What is manifested and created begins as an idea -that which is immaterial. Our minds play a huge part in creating the road of our experience. And I'm realizing how important rest and nourishment are to my brain and the inner perspective from which my whole life flows.
What does it mean to be connected to the source of life? To be energized and filled with peace, happiness and joy? How does one accomplish this state? And can that state be continually be lived from? In moments of meditation I find myself there. When I consciously focus and let go of the concerns of the day I feel this connection to the source of life that keeps my mind and heart and breath flowing. I am continually reminded what a big part my outlook on life affects my experience. Emotion colors everything. If I am positive and hopeful and confident then I am more willing to take a chance. If I'm feeling low or fearful or insecure than I tend to make decisions that make me more cautious. I find this all so fascinating. Most of the time the determining factor in a decision to take a particular course of action rest on my belief and feeling about it's outcome even though the outcome has at that point not been realized.
So life really comes down to what we imagine & make of it. We chose a physical paths from the internal unseen part of us and gather resources and create the lives we want. We may stumble and fall short time and again but we will always live up to the quality of life that we believe we deserve.
What do you fundamentally believe you deserve in this life? What do you dream and imagine your life to be? Whatever they are you will subconsciously work at fulfilling.
I dream of things that others think are unrealistic. Of course everything is unrealistic untill it comes into being. Besides there is no harm in charting a course that is audacious! :)
by Marianne Williamson
This is one of my favorie quotes and makes me contemplate the life that we live. How much time and attention do we give to that part of our experience and surroundings that are unseen? How much credence do we give to the immaterial? There seems to be an interesting relationship between the physical/tangible and the world that our eyes do not see visibly.
What is manifested and created begins as an idea -that which is immaterial. Our minds play a huge part in creating the road of our experience. And I'm realizing how important rest and nourishment are to my brain and the inner perspective from which my whole life flows.
What does it mean to be connected to the source of life? To be energized and filled with peace, happiness and joy? How does one accomplish this state? And can that state be continually be lived from? In moments of meditation I find myself there. When I consciously focus and let go of the concerns of the day I feel this connection to the source of life that keeps my mind and heart and breath flowing. I am continually reminded what a big part my outlook on life affects my experience. Emotion colors everything. If I am positive and hopeful and confident then I am more willing to take a chance. If I'm feeling low or fearful or insecure than I tend to make decisions that make me more cautious. I find this all so fascinating. Most of the time the determining factor in a decision to take a particular course of action rest on my belief and feeling about it's outcome even though the outcome has at that point not been realized.
So life really comes down to what we imagine & make of it. We chose a physical paths from the internal unseen part of us and gather resources and create the lives we want. We may stumble and fall short time and again but we will always live up to the quality of life that we believe we deserve.
What do you fundamentally believe you deserve in this life? What do you dream and imagine your life to be? Whatever they are you will subconsciously work at fulfilling.
I dream of things that others think are unrealistic. Of course everything is unrealistic untill it comes into being. Besides there is no harm in charting a course that is audacious! :)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
A visitor & a dear friend.
As I sit here staring at the screen watching absentmindedly as my fingers dance on the keyboard, all I can think about is the impact of my knowing you. My world changed with a longing look and then again with a touch, a non verbal cue, and an ear that hears what it thinks is a spoken yes or a no. Even with you absent my world turns inside out... A hardened heart, exterior of brick reinforced with steel, a fortress forged in the fires of pain and loss protect the tiny boat afloat on the sea of joy and serenity that is hidden deep inside. I did not expect a visitor there, at the edge of my hidden sea, calling for me. What? How did you penetrate my defenses? After the last companion abandoned me with tattered sail & rudderless till, I took on water and almost drowned. There is and will not be room for two I vowed. I repaired my sail, affixed a new rudder, mended the leaks and set sail again awash in the joy of a new beginning. One bright day I looked and there you were sailing on your own boat towards me on my hidden sea! From afar my eyes beheld you and I heard your voice, but still I wonder...are you real? By what magic did you penetrated my defenses and posted guards at my heart's fortress walls? As we drew closer I pulled up beside your beautiful craft. I could see that it was a more petite and beautiful version of my own. We sailed a while together and then parted ways and spoke those words often spoken (by those that make light of departing, yet know its sorrow) "This isn't goodbye, it's just see you later" I still recall our meeting and marvel at the change you caused in me. Your vitality has made me venture out of safer waters and you have shown me that there is indeed room in this boat for more than just me, despite all my protesting. You are to me now a dear friend even as you chart your own course and have your own adventures, you are always welcome inside the fortress of my heart with guard that protects the open sea to the real me that remains hidden deep within me.
Monday, September 13, 2010
thoughts for today
May my heart always stay open to learn and grow. To love with wisdom and to see the best in myself and others around me. To work diligently towards my goals with a passion for life that will not be quenched by disappointment, failing or any other obstacle.
To take the challenges set before me and follow through with Character, Honor and Integrity.
one of the questions I've been contemplating heavily today is the push and pull of my internal desires vs my external realities, that is where real life is lived. It is in the choices we make at those big and seemingly insignificant moments make up who we are and show who I am.
I want my words not to just be words but to be backed up with action and that means holding to the words i've already spoken.
there is SO much more to say... but i will leave that for tomorrow.
Sleep is closing in on my tired body, derby kicked my rear tonight. I still find it feeds the inner part of me.
To take the challenges set before me and follow through with Character, Honor and Integrity.
one of the questions I've been contemplating heavily today is the push and pull of my internal desires vs my external realities, that is where real life is lived. It is in the choices we make at those big and seemingly insignificant moments make up who we are and show who I am.
I want my words not to just be words but to be backed up with action and that means holding to the words i've already spoken.
there is SO much more to say... but i will leave that for tomorrow.
Sleep is closing in on my tired body, derby kicked my rear tonight. I still find it feeds the inner part of me.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
A date etched in Memory September 11
The ache of sorrow in my breast,
The hurt that gnaws deep at my chest.
I must confess...
I feel like nothing is made right
Oh where, oh where is the light
Here I stand again it seems
Taken back to horrors dreams
O death you wheeled your power free
Yet I look for life found upon the Tree
Still my heart will feel the sting
And miss our loved ones set free to sing
Our lives entwined there too short a duration,
I trust, will one day be rejoined in joyous celebration!
All tears and fears will be washed away,
As we sit together on that happy day.
Yet now as I say my last goodbyes
I must confess...I still feel....
The ache of sorrow in my breast,
The hurt that gnaws deep at my chest.
--- Isaac Ring, 2010
I wrote this poem earlier this year when I heard the news of my Aunt Penny's passing after a hard fought battle with cancer. It still captures a good portion of my emotion regarding the death of my older brother Thaddeus and my Uncle Jonathan in separate instances on this anniversary September 11 date. (Thad in 1996 as a result of mental illness and Jonathan in the destruction of NYC Twin Towers in 2001)
As each year passes, time has given me the blessing of mellowing the hurt and seeing their lives though the prism of the joys and sorrows of knowing and loving them in life and death.
I still struggle with belief and faith and I can't say that I know for certain I'll see them again as much as I want to.
This year I decided to honor Thaddeus by permanently carrying on my arm an art piece that reminds me of happier childhood days him and I spent together as roommates and close friends & brothers... before his struggle with mental illness that ended up taking his life.
The lion with the scrolls was one of his first skateboard designs when he was in his early teens. Thad had an enthusiasm & passion for life that was contagious when one got to know him. The message in the scroll was his perspective on his faith in God and his approach to life.
The message still speaks to me and challenges me to embrace life and live life to the fullest in all its messiness!
On this anniversary I'm reminded to cherish and learn from each of the relationships I have/had in my life, and to keep connected to loved ones.
Living a full and complete life is messy with heartache & joy, thirst & satisfaction and disappointment & fulfillment, as we connect with each other and those around us in this quest of life.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
In this Pursuit
To me a Muse is: That someone who stirs you to your depth of soul, awakens what as been dormant or sleeping within your heart and mind. One who stokes your passion for life and the creativity of the Divine that resides in you.
All the great people had someone that did this for them.
Will it happen to me? And how will I react?
Aren't love and passion strange things? It strikes when you least expect it, with whom you have just met or with whom you may have known for years and you have just "seen" for the first time.
The heart of the matter is so strange and fascinating. It is life, this unpredictable experience we call life. And I have realized that I must trust what it is meant to be. Yet I am not the casual observer. I take what life gives me and make the life I desire.
To desire someone, an incredible human being who makes me believe that the impossible is possible, who has touched a part of me I believed dead. Yet what happens if present circumstances indicate that I can't have her in my life as I desire?
And It has been said that if you love someone set them free, if they return of their own will and desire then they loved you in return. If they fly and don't return then love was not the foundation but something else. In matters of the heart we ultimately show our true selves and desires through our actions. And time will be the judge. I want someone that wants me for me and vice-versa, a companion to share my journey of life discovery and for me to share in hers. Will I let her go? Yes. Will I want her to return to me? Yes. But if she doesn't, what then?
I will love her as she goes, and will cherish and honor her wishes. I will not rashly speculate on the outcomes.
I am committed to pursuing an amazing life. In this pursuit, this journey of mine, I'll one day glance up and recognized an amazing woman that has walked into my life. All I'll know is that she will have awakened and taken me farther along on my journey to discovering a full life because she has walked some with me and for this I will be extremely thankful. Will I like the chance to share more of the journey with her? Exploring where life might take us together? You bet!
Yes my muse... I know you are out there!
All the great people had someone that did this for them.
Will it happen to me? And how will I react?
Aren't love and passion strange things? It strikes when you least expect it, with whom you have just met or with whom you may have known for years and you have just "seen" for the first time.
The heart of the matter is so strange and fascinating. It is life, this unpredictable experience we call life. And I have realized that I must trust what it is meant to be. Yet I am not the casual observer. I take what life gives me and make the life I desire.
To desire someone, an incredible human being who makes me believe that the impossible is possible, who has touched a part of me I believed dead. Yet what happens if present circumstances indicate that I can't have her in my life as I desire?
And It has been said that if you love someone set them free, if they return of their own will and desire then they loved you in return. If they fly and don't return then love was not the foundation but something else. In matters of the heart we ultimately show our true selves and desires through our actions. And time will be the judge. I want someone that wants me for me and vice-versa, a companion to share my journey of life discovery and for me to share in hers. Will I let her go? Yes. Will I want her to return to me? Yes. But if she doesn't, what then?
I will love her as she goes, and will cherish and honor her wishes. I will not rashly speculate on the outcomes.
I am committed to pursuing an amazing life. In this pursuit, this journey of mine, I'll one day glance up and recognized an amazing woman that has walked into my life. All I'll know is that she will have awakened and taken me farther along on my journey to discovering a full life because she has walked some with me and for this I will be extremely thankful. Will I like the chance to share more of the journey with her? Exploring where life might take us together? You bet!
Yes my muse... I know you are out there!
Friday, July 30, 2010
The Return Home
WOW! What a reunion it was! It was the BEST long weekend I've had in quite a few years. and all my worries were for naught.
What made it soo good you might ask?
It was like being with a closely knit extra large family ( albeit one that is stretched to the four winds and back again.) I was struck by the the ease with which everyone settled in with each other, whether we were seeing old friends or meeting new ones for the first time; there was a sense of comfort and familiarity from the oldies down to the babies!
Having been on the planning committee we knew that people would want to spend as much time as possible chatting and catching up or getting acquainted with each other so only a few actual events/activities were planned. (In hindsight we might have extended the reunion a few more days! just a note for those planning the next one in Australia)
The best thing for me was being able to share the memories and bonds that drew us all together in the first place. And then link them to the present. As MK's and TCKs our lives are often dualized (or cut into more pieces). We have these pocket of time and experiences scattered by geography that we often compartmentalize as a transition mechanism for when we move into a new cultural or geographic region. It is a way to "fit in" or be seen as "normal". What a joy it was to be in a group of people where those walls/divisions were not up. We could be unguarded with our hearts and know that we really were being understood and known. The reunion really was a return trip "home". As TCK's we know that "home" is when we are with each other.
Whether you reading this and were there at the reunion or are one of the ones we missed being together with (this time). You know there is nothing that made us more like family than living for years in a country not completely our own and in tight quarters during some of the most formative stages of life.
As I reflect over the cultural diversity and countries/areas represented in our group. England, Holland, Norway, Northern Ireland, Switzerland, countries in Africa, Christmas Island, Canada, Australia, S. Korea, USA, (please for give me if I neglected to mention your country) I see that no mater where we went to after VIS, we all adapted and yet the significance of our boarding school years has remained very much alive in us.
I am so glad that the reunion was a place where we didn't put our school on a pedestal and just shared the good/happy memories. There were some crappy/horrible experiences that sprang from living life together like that also. It is the whole spectrum of experience that made our school what it was.
To you who lived VIS with me and to all those that came before me and after me, Thanks for being part of my family for all these years!
What made it soo good you might ask?
It was like being with a closely knit extra large family ( albeit one that is stretched to the four winds and back again.) I was struck by the the ease with which everyone settled in with each other, whether we were seeing old friends or meeting new ones for the first time; there was a sense of comfort and familiarity from the oldies down to the babies!
Having been on the planning committee we knew that people would want to spend as much time as possible chatting and catching up or getting acquainted with each other so only a few actual events/activities were planned. (In hindsight we might have extended the reunion a few more days! just a note for those planning the next one in Australia)
The best thing for me was being able to share the memories and bonds that drew us all together in the first place. And then link them to the present. As MK's and TCKs our lives are often dualized (or cut into more pieces). We have these pocket of time and experiences scattered by geography that we often compartmentalize as a transition mechanism for when we move into a new cultural or geographic region. It is a way to "fit in" or be seen as "normal". What a joy it was to be in a group of people where those walls/divisions were not up. We could be unguarded with our hearts and know that we really were being understood and known. The reunion really was a return trip "home". As TCK's we know that "home" is when we are with each other.
Whether you reading this and were there at the reunion or are one of the ones we missed being together with (this time). You know there is nothing that made us more like family than living for years in a country not completely our own and in tight quarters during some of the most formative stages of life.
As I reflect over the cultural diversity and countries/areas represented in our group. England, Holland, Norway, Northern Ireland, Switzerland, countries in Africa, Christmas Island, Canada, Australia, S. Korea, USA, (please for give me if I neglected to mention your country) I see that no mater where we went to after VIS, we all adapted and yet the significance of our boarding school years has remained very much alive in us.
I am so glad that the reunion was a place where we didn't put our school on a pedestal and just shared the good/happy memories. There were some crappy/horrible experiences that sprang from living life together like that also. It is the whole spectrum of experience that made our school what it was.
To you who lived VIS with me and to all those that came before me and after me, Thanks for being part of my family for all these years!
Monday, July 12, 2010
In anticipation of a reunion
How do you feel when an event is just around the corner that is the culmination of years of planning and dreaming? I am heading into such an event in the next few days... I am filled with excitement, anticipation, and have a few butterflies in my stomach!
You see, it is a reunion of old friends and soon to be new friends that are all linked by a single fact.
We went to the same boarding school for a few years of our lives and can never return to that school as it has been closed for some 9 years now. From almost every continent we gathered during those school years just as we are soon to do again. Every generation has sent at least one representative. What an amazing gathering it will be.
My excitement and anticipation and butterflies all point to this reunion. As a member of the planning committee, I, along with the other members of the planning committee have spent time and effort to put this event together. I wonder, will it live up to my expectations? And to my dreams of reconnection with members of my boarding school family? and to the experiences of a childhood long gone?
Well... In a few days I'll know!
I have been blessed in many ways in my life. One of the most profound of those ways was the experience of growing up on two continents and between two countries and a mix of cultures that shaped who I am today.
Africa and North America are the continents that both beckon to my soul. At boarding school in Africa, filled with such a rich cultural mix from every continent, I learned that where we are "from" has a shaping effect on each of us that colors the way we interpret what our brain perceives from what our eyes can see. It taught me that there is beauty in the global cultural diversity and strength in our unity. When you play side by side with kids of every human skin color and live side by side a melding takes place. Understanding, awareness and appreciation of our differences and of our shared experience becomes a connecting force.
Why am I and my friends making the journey of thousands of miles to sit and chat or embrace each other face to face again after all these years apart? It is because at our roots we are connected by our common experience of having shared life together in some of the most formative stages of our lives.
I am stoked to see what this next week brings... I am going to do my best to let my expectations go and just enjoy the moment by moment.
I am SO looking forward to this wonderful gathering of amazing people that have contributed to my journey to discovering a full life!!
You see, it is a reunion of old friends and soon to be new friends that are all linked by a single fact.
We went to the same boarding school for a few years of our lives and can never return to that school as it has been closed for some 9 years now. From almost every continent we gathered during those school years just as we are soon to do again. Every generation has sent at least one representative. What an amazing gathering it will be.
My excitement and anticipation and butterflies all point to this reunion. As a member of the planning committee, I, along with the other members of the planning committee have spent time and effort to put this event together. I wonder, will it live up to my expectations? And to my dreams of reconnection with members of my boarding school family? and to the experiences of a childhood long gone?
Well... In a few days I'll know!
I have been blessed in many ways in my life. One of the most profound of those ways was the experience of growing up on two continents and between two countries and a mix of cultures that shaped who I am today.
Africa and North America are the continents that both beckon to my soul. At boarding school in Africa, filled with such a rich cultural mix from every continent, I learned that where we are "from" has a shaping effect on each of us that colors the way we interpret what our brain perceives from what our eyes can see. It taught me that there is beauty in the global cultural diversity and strength in our unity. When you play side by side with kids of every human skin color and live side by side a melding takes place. Understanding, awareness and appreciation of our differences and of our shared experience becomes a connecting force.
Why am I and my friends making the journey of thousands of miles to sit and chat or embrace each other face to face again after all these years apart? It is because at our roots we are connected by our common experience of having shared life together in some of the most formative stages of our lives.
I am stoked to see what this next week brings... I am going to do my best to let my expectations go and just enjoy the moment by moment.
I am SO looking forward to this wonderful gathering of amazing people that have contributed to my journey to discovering a full life!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Time on my mind
The last time I set my fingers to these keys and at this space I was looking forward to 2010 and what it held in store. Now as I sit to write half of 2010 is behind us! Time has a way of changing just about everything. Time offers the opportunity to stand back and see where this journey has taken me. I have taken the road less traveled. I have been able to rediscover a buried joy. Part of discovering a full life is discovering what bring joy and passion to our hearts. One of the things that brings me to life is movement. I am energized by putting my body in motion. Active sports that challenge my body and mind are such a joy! In the last six months I have retuned to a childhood passion, with and adult twist. I have retuned to the roller skating rink after 15+ years away and found my niche as skating ref for Womens Flat Track Roller Derby! Roller Derby is a hoot and a half!! :) It also reminds me that time has done a number on my body and I'm not as young and indestructible as I used to think I was. The other active pursuit I have taken up is weight lifting in the gym. The gym also reminded me of the passage of time, it takes me longer to recover from pulled muscles and pinched nerves! Even pulled muscles and such haven't kept me
from my passion for dancing, yep the music makes my body move! :)
Time has also given me some perspective on my inner life and the relationships that have come and gone in my life. I've come to realize that the heart is a finicky thing. And that what one wants changes with the seasons. I want someone to share life with yet I love my independence and individuality. I'm still learning where the balance is. I am too intense at the beginning of relationships and then pull back too far taking myself out of emotional reach. I sometimes wonder if I'm emotionally/relationally broken. I'm striving for balance, yet I feel like I take one step forward and then one step back when interacting with those I care about. I keep them and myself just out of reach.
Time has mellowed me somewhat but I've always been a guy that jumped first and asked questions later... I wonder if time will ever change that
What has time taught you?
I think I'm a little farther down the road to discovering a full life
from my passion for dancing, yep the music makes my body move! :)
Time has also given me some perspective on my inner life and the relationships that have come and gone in my life. I've come to realize that the heart is a finicky thing. And that what one wants changes with the seasons. I want someone to share life with yet I love my independence and individuality. I'm still learning where the balance is. I am too intense at the beginning of relationships and then pull back too far taking myself out of emotional reach. I sometimes wonder if I'm emotionally/relationally broken. I'm striving for balance, yet I feel like I take one step forward and then one step back when interacting with those I care about. I keep them and myself just out of reach.
Time has mellowed me somewhat but I've always been a guy that jumped first and asked questions later... I wonder if time will ever change that
What has time taught you?
I think I'm a little farther down the road to discovering a full life
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Looking back at 2009
WOW! What a year 2009 has been!
I was recently chatting with a friend and we briefly observed that at this time last year... both of us were looking at huge question marks as we looked our respective futures in the face.
Last December... I was married to a wonderful woman with whom I wanted to start a family,(little did I know that our relationship was on the rocks). I had taken a dead-end job in retail photography to help make ends meet after being unemployed for 4 months and was working crazy hours during the holiday season with no great job prospects in sight.
Fast forward to March 09. My work hours severely cut, my marriage came to an end as it took its last gasping breath. I moved out and we were both done. Years of missed communication and unmet expectations came to a head. I was on my own. The divorce was swift and cordial. I left 8 years of companionship behind. Boy did I have a ton of question marks staring me in the face then! Where was I going to live? What about a steady job and transportation? I had lost my heart.
Then the most amazing things started happening. With the providence of God and I'm sure the prayers of family and friends the doors of the abundance of the universe began to open.
First a place to stay with friends and then a truck for transportation. And then the blessing of a full-time job (with medical benefits) that provided the means to rent a great place with wonderful roommates and to purchase a reliable sporty coupe!
Since then, I have joined a gym and grown physically and mentally as I have accepted more responsibility (with a move up the pay scale) at work. I really enjoy what I do with Care and Share and can see that I am making a difference as part of a team!
I have also rediscovered a part of me that I had buried. My body was made to move and I get a great deal of joy from dancing. I have gone out dancing and it has been really such a blast!
During this past year I have also made some amazing new friends and reconnected with old ones who have spoken life into me. I feel that I am right where I am meant to be.
I have experienced a tremendous amount this year, physically and emotionally it has been a wild ride. Had I known that I would have gone through the tangled mess of heartache and pain to the joy of rediscovered passion, I don't know if I would have signed up for it.
As it it I wouldn't change a thing! And I am beginning to truly believe that we can accomplish the most impossible of things! :)
I know there are still question marks that loom into 2010 and beyond for me and for you. I will meet mine with confidence and courage. Will you meet yours that way too?
....on the road to discovering a full life!
Isaac
I was recently chatting with a friend and we briefly observed that at this time last year... both of us were looking at huge question marks as we looked our respective futures in the face.
Last December... I was married to a wonderful woman with whom I wanted to start a family,(little did I know that our relationship was on the rocks). I had taken a dead-end job in retail photography to help make ends meet after being unemployed for 4 months and was working crazy hours during the holiday season with no great job prospects in sight.
Fast forward to March 09. My work hours severely cut, my marriage came to an end as it took its last gasping breath. I moved out and we were both done. Years of missed communication and unmet expectations came to a head. I was on my own. The divorce was swift and cordial. I left 8 years of companionship behind. Boy did I have a ton of question marks staring me in the face then! Where was I going to live? What about a steady job and transportation? I had lost my heart.
Then the most amazing things started happening. With the providence of God and I'm sure the prayers of family and friends the doors of the abundance of the universe began to open.
First a place to stay with friends and then a truck for transportation. And then the blessing of a full-time job (with medical benefits) that provided the means to rent a great place with wonderful roommates and to purchase a reliable sporty coupe!
Since then, I have joined a gym and grown physically and mentally as I have accepted more responsibility (with a move up the pay scale) at work. I really enjoy what I do with Care and Share and can see that I am making a difference as part of a team!
I have also rediscovered a part of me that I had buried. My body was made to move and I get a great deal of joy from dancing. I have gone out dancing and it has been really such a blast!
During this past year I have also made some amazing new friends and reconnected with old ones who have spoken life into me. I feel that I am right where I am meant to be.
I have experienced a tremendous amount this year, physically and emotionally it has been a wild ride. Had I known that I would have gone through the tangled mess of heartache and pain to the joy of rediscovered passion, I don't know if I would have signed up for it.
As it it I wouldn't change a thing! And I am beginning to truly believe that we can accomplish the most impossible of things! :)
I know there are still question marks that loom into 2010 and beyond for me and for you. I will meet mine with confidence and courage. Will you meet yours that way too?
....on the road to discovering a full life!
Isaac
Friday, September 11, 2009
Are you really living life to the fullest?
Today is a day of remembrance for me. September 11. Last year on this date I wrote a short post that paid homage to two of my favorite people.
I lost my brother Thaddeus to mental illness and suicide on this date in 1996.
I lost my uncle Jonathan in the WTC disaster on this date in 2001.
you can read my blog post from last year here.
The question that I'm contemplating today is...What does living life to the fullest look like? and what does it take for us to actually live it?
maybe a great place to start is to ask ourselves what we want out of life.
So what doe you want? what does your "life to the fullest" look like?
I lost my brother Thaddeus to mental illness and suicide on this date in 1996.
I lost my uncle Jonathan in the WTC disaster on this date in 2001.
you can read my blog post from last year here.
The question that I'm contemplating today is...What does living life to the fullest look like? and what does it take for us to actually live it?
maybe a great place to start is to ask ourselves what we want out of life.
So what doe you want? what does your "life to the fullest" look like?
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Good Discussions... talking & listening
I love great conversations. I recently had a really good one with my brother Toby.
I feel refreshed, my burdens lift and I'm inspired to keep searching and dreaming about what this life is all about at the end of a great conversation.
I am reminded that the real sharing and living of life is done by being real about the feelings and thoughts in the journey with other people.
We discussed the challenges we face and what it takes to is to work through and understand and each other when emotionally charged issues arise.
It has been said that if you want to have a civil conversation, you should avoid the topics surrounding religion, politics and sex with those that have differing views than you. Also that real friendship and understanding is not possible with others of different opinions on these topics.
As I've thought about it, I realize that these topics strike a deep cord in most of us and are tied directly to the fundamental view we have of ourselves and we often feel our view threatened and have the need to defend our position and the face of a different option.
It is uncomfortable to be open to and understand the views of others, then those views are seen as challenging what we have always believed about how the world "should" be and what we "should" do. It can unsettle the relationship when and if we find that those we have agreed with in the past embrace a new and different view.
So... is it possible to still be friends and differ on these topics? Can we understand those on the other side of the fence and still be "friends"?
Last night I watched the movie "The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas" and it struck me again how easily children can break through the ideological and social barriers we construct (around ourselves as adults) to define and "protect" ourselves. In our attempts to define and live within the comfort zones of our relationships we often miss out on relationships or experiences that would enrich and bring new dimensions to our lives.
Are we willing to be courageous enough and willing to take the risk to open up discussions across the lines, and to really listen even regarding those things we feel strongly about?
I believe our lives will be richer of it if we do!
I feel refreshed, my burdens lift and I'm inspired to keep searching and dreaming about what this life is all about at the end of a great conversation.
I am reminded that the real sharing and living of life is done by being real about the feelings and thoughts in the journey with other people.
We discussed the challenges we face and what it takes to is to work through and understand and each other when emotionally charged issues arise.
It has been said that if you want to have a civil conversation, you should avoid the topics surrounding religion, politics and sex with those that have differing views than you. Also that real friendship and understanding is not possible with others of different opinions on these topics.
As I've thought about it, I realize that these topics strike a deep cord in most of us and are tied directly to the fundamental view we have of ourselves and we often feel our view threatened and have the need to defend our position and the face of a different option.
It is uncomfortable to be open to and understand the views of others, then those views are seen as challenging what we have always believed about how the world "should" be and what we "should" do. It can unsettle the relationship when and if we find that those we have agreed with in the past embrace a new and different view.
So... is it possible to still be friends and differ on these topics? Can we understand those on the other side of the fence and still be "friends"?
Last night I watched the movie "The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas" and it struck me again how easily children can break through the ideological and social barriers we construct (around ourselves as adults) to define and "protect" ourselves. In our attempts to define and live within the comfort zones of our relationships we often miss out on relationships or experiences that would enrich and bring new dimensions to our lives.
Are we willing to be courageous enough and willing to take the risk to open up discussions across the lines, and to really listen even regarding those things we feel strongly about?
I believe our lives will be richer of it if we do!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Geting back on the horse
The last six months have involved some huge changes for me. I went from a married man to who I thought was the love of my life to a single man again. 8 years spent learning and growing with a really great woman came to an end.
My life looks comepletely different than I had ever anticipated 6 months ago. The questions I've kept asking myself revolve around what I've learned and look at what the future holds for me.
The reality is there are times are things that break up relationships. It is just part of life and I think I've come away a wiser and open person for walking down this road which was unforseen or willingly chosen. I've learned that life is not esaily layed out neatly before us. We tend to get caught up with how we expect life to be and what it will look like and how it "should" work. The more I've seen and experienced life ...I can say that the more I know the more I have to learn.
Things that I took for granted before I don't anymore. Judgements and boxes I had put other people in to make "sense" of life are not there anymore. I have made my share of mistakes in my past relationships including my recently deceased marriage. So the question is what do I do now? Take what I've learned about myself and how I act and interact with those I love and build the life I aspire to.
As this past chapter has ended a new one is beginning. I'm still on the quest for a full life.
It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. it ain't easy though.
if you are interested in a couple of the lessons surely this past 6 months has taught me, check out my other blog
I'm in a place where I've found my voice again and will be writing more often.
My life looks comepletely different than I had ever anticipated 6 months ago. The questions I've kept asking myself revolve around what I've learned and look at what the future holds for me.
The reality is there are times are things that break up relationships. It is just part of life and I think I've come away a wiser and open person for walking down this road which was unforseen or willingly chosen. I've learned that life is not esaily layed out neatly before us. We tend to get caught up with how we expect life to be and what it will look like and how it "should" work. The more I've seen and experienced life ...I can say that the more I know the more I have to learn.
Things that I took for granted before I don't anymore. Judgements and boxes I had put other people in to make "sense" of life are not there anymore. I have made my share of mistakes in my past relationships including my recently deceased marriage. So the question is what do I do now? Take what I've learned about myself and how I act and interact with those I love and build the life I aspire to.
As this past chapter has ended a new one is beginning. I'm still on the quest for a full life.
It is better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all. it ain't easy though.
if you are interested in a couple of the lessons surely this past 6 months has taught me, check out my other blog
I'm in a place where I've found my voice again and will be writing more often.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Belonging Challenge
To all you guys and gals out there I'd like to invite you to this Belonging challenge. My friend Brice Royer has such a great idea. I envite you to join me as I take up Brice's Belonging Challenge.
In this world of interconnectedness we still need to know that we belong with other people in tangible ways.
The Belonging Challenge is designed for each of us to reach out to at least one other human being. One that we would not normally or automatically extend the hand of belonging to.
In this world of interconnectedness we still need to know that we belong with other people in tangible ways.
The Belonging Challenge is designed for each of us to reach out to at least one other human being. One that we would not normally or automatically extend the hand of belonging to.
the Belonging Challenge is a series of challenges that break out of our comfort zone and perhaps build a better world.
Watch the video here:http://briceroyer.com/challengeready
One behalf of my friend Brice,
Thank you for joining us in this challenge, you belong with us!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Introductions, Labels, & "Where are you going?"
I've been thinking about labels. Some of my friends on MKnet have been discussing how we introduce ourselves and asking about how much we share in an introduction.
It seems as TCKs we get our identity and experiences from our childhood years, from the places we have lived and the the experiences that have shaped our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. If I was to tell you that before age 4 I had experienced life in rural Mexico and the States and then began the rest of my childhood and teenage years in West Africa with two pivotal years (ages 10 and 11) in the the United States how would you respond? Does the fact that I have now lived (from age 17 to 35) and graduated from high school and college in the States make me seem more American?What I have done with these last 18 years in the States is part of what makes me who I am.
Certainly I have cross-cultural roots, but I have some roots here in the USA too.
Yes, the continent of my earlier years tugs at my heart, whispering sweetly in my dreams or shouting above the din of suburban life. But it is not the only voice. This country of my current sojourn makes its impassioned plea for my attention as well. From the sweet rolling hills of the blue ridge mountains to beaches of California and now to the foothills of the rocky mountains.
The traveling and living I've done in this land has been amazing.Were I made to choose between the land of my youth and the one where I make my current home...I must confess, I could not, for they are both so dear to me. It is not just the physical geography, but the geography and it's people (all my friends) that I have come to love.
For me, to be defined (or labeled) by where one had been is one thing, one side of the coin. The other side of the coin is defined by where I'm going, who I will be in the future. The past is gone, it is the future that is before me. Deciding who I am in the future starts with choosing who I am today.
Why is it that people always ask "where we you from?" and not "where are you going?"
Mind if I ask?...Where are you going in life from here?
It seems as TCKs we get our identity and experiences from our childhood years, from the places we have lived and the the experiences that have shaped our beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. If I was to tell you that before age 4 I had experienced life in rural Mexico and the States and then began the rest of my childhood and teenage years in West Africa with two pivotal years (ages 10 and 11) in the the United States how would you respond? Does the fact that I have now lived (from age 17 to 35) and graduated from high school and college in the States make me seem more American?What I have done with these last 18 years in the States is part of what makes me who I am.
Certainly I have cross-cultural roots, but I have some roots here in the USA too.
Yes, the continent of my earlier years tugs at my heart, whispering sweetly in my dreams or shouting above the din of suburban life. But it is not the only voice. This country of my current sojourn makes its impassioned plea for my attention as well. From the sweet rolling hills of the blue ridge mountains to beaches of California and now to the foothills of the rocky mountains.
The traveling and living I've done in this land has been amazing.Were I made to choose between the land of my youth and the one where I make my current home...I must confess, I could not, for they are both so dear to me. It is not just the physical geography, but the geography and it's people (all my friends) that I have come to love.
For me, to be defined (or labeled) by where one had been is one thing, one side of the coin. The other side of the coin is defined by where I'm going, who I will be in the future. The past is gone, it is the future that is before me. Deciding who I am in the future starts with choosing who I am today.
Why is it that people always ask "where we you from?" and not "where are you going?"
Mind if I ask?...Where are you going in life from here?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Hylighter : A Collaboration Tool for Geographically dispersed teams
Collaboration tools. We live in a time that makes telecommuting to work a viable option. I recently came across a great tool at I think would help those of us that work creatively and in teams that have members that are geographically dispersed.
The web tool is called Hylighter. Take a look and tell me what you think.
The web tool is called Hylighter. Take a look and tell me what you think.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Stepping Up to the Plate in the Game called Life
What do you say, how do you respond, when you are called upon unexpectedly to fill in for a co-worker in need? Yesterday morning I got a call from a co-worker that requested my help in the studio on my day off.
here are a few of the ways I could have chosen to respond:
a) say yes - but really resent the intrusion
b) say yes - because I was open and willing to go in to help out
c) say no - dismissing it without listening to the need expressed
d) say no - after listening to the need, explain why it was not possible for me to help at this time.
It may seem like the choices here are simple.
I have found that life comes down to simple choices. When we are presented with outside requests and demands on our time we must chose how we are going to respond. most of us tend to complicate matters and agonize over our decisions (doing so adds stress to the experience). When we are stressed we tend to make snap decisions based on our immediate feelings. (I've tended to look back on most of my decisions made based on alleviating immediate feelings of stress as imprudent and foolish)
The best course of response to others who "need" us unexpectedly or who make requests of our time and talent is to decide beforehand how we will respond.
Remember: with the help of our Creator, our lives are our own to direct.
the best defense against stress in the face of outside demands is to be inwardly directed.
when we are inwardly directed we are:
-choosing the priorities of how to use our time before outside influences and demands arise.
(there will be different priorities for different people at different times.)
-the key is to make choices & decisions before stress distorts our perception of reality
-planning ahead for for the curve balls life can throw our way.
-committed to sticking to our preplanned response, when it serves our goals.
-flexible to outside pressures because we have options in our responses
This week I responded on different occasions with the above answers b & d . B and D put me in control of my life and happy with the choice I made when responding to an outside demand. Choosing my responses was easy as I had done some "pregame" decision planning beforehand for each situation and request.
Note: when you make the decisions beforehand of how you will respond to whatever the outside demand on your time is, it is not unexpected anymore, you have "rehearsed" it already. You are ready to meet it.
Examine your life today. Are you reacting to outside situations that "govern" your life or are you living from within? You will enjoy your life more when you take the time to do some "pregame" decision planning and get proactive in your approach to life.
Doing so will enable you to step up the the plate in this game of life, and swing for the fences with confidence!
here are a few of the ways I could have chosen to respond:
a) say yes - but really resent the intrusion
b) say yes - because I was open and willing to go in to help out
c) say no - dismissing it without listening to the need expressed
d) say no - after listening to the need, explain why it was not possible for me to help at this time.
It may seem like the choices here are simple.
I have found that life comes down to simple choices. When we are presented with outside requests and demands on our time we must chose how we are going to respond. most of us tend to complicate matters and agonize over our decisions (doing so adds stress to the experience). When we are stressed we tend to make snap decisions based on our immediate feelings. (I've tended to look back on most of my decisions made based on alleviating immediate feelings of stress as imprudent and foolish)
The best course of response to others who "need" us unexpectedly or who make requests of our time and talent is to decide beforehand how we will respond.
Remember: with the help of our Creator, our lives are our own to direct.
the best defense against stress in the face of outside demands is to be inwardly directed.
when we are inwardly directed we are:
-choosing the priorities of how to use our time before outside influences and demands arise.
(there will be different priorities for different people at different times.)
-the key is to make choices & decisions before stress distorts our perception of reality
-planning ahead for for the curve balls life can throw our way.
-committed to sticking to our preplanned response, when it serves our goals.
-flexible to outside pressures because we have options in our responses
This week I responded on different occasions with the above answers b & d . B and D put me in control of my life and happy with the choice I made when responding to an outside demand. Choosing my responses was easy as I had done some "pregame" decision planning beforehand for each situation and request.
Note: when you make the decisions beforehand of how you will respond to whatever the outside demand on your time is, it is not unexpected anymore, you have "rehearsed" it already. You are ready to meet it.
Examine your life today. Are you reacting to outside situations that "govern" your life or are you living from within? You will enjoy your life more when you take the time to do some "pregame" decision planning and get proactive in your approach to life.
Doing so will enable you to step up the the plate in this game of life, and swing for the fences with confidence!
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