Who I am... to who I will become

A man of character. that is the question I am pondering today. What is it? and is it important? Is it following through on a commitment when you are the only person who witnesses your actions?
Is it speaking what you know to be true, real and constant with your belief? Is it diligence in the face of opposition? Is it patience during suffering?

These are all but lofty notions, high ideals I hope to reach ; for I start this journey with a napsack filled of fears.

The witnessor of my life, or otherwise called my wife, caught me speak a lie but two days back and sorely grieved was she. I too was vexed and sadened by my utterance.
After which She lovingly took my hand and said "Let's walk and talk this out."

The crisp night air cleared my head and my heart (the knapsack if you will) xposed it's content. Out poured a lifetime of hurt and others I've strived to please, placate and sooth; All for fear of not being liked or part of the group or... loved.

So there it is... I found at root of my knapsack and the lie- Fear

How does one banish FEAR?

I know it has been said LOVE is the answer so I will seek it.

I'm on the road to character

To Comunicate

Communicating with the ones you love is key on any journey. Yesterday I comunicated with a few famlily members and two good friends. Our discussions centered around the issue of work and it's role in our lives and it's correlation to our spiritual lives. Having parents whose work is wrapped up with thier spiritual/ religious practice and calling, is causing me to look again at my spiritual quest and the connection to the "job" I currenly have and the search for a job that is more in line with my beliefs.

Starting out

My quest has begun. I tonight I'm off to see the shrink and then to think, to wade through all that has brought me to this point and then ... I hope to take the road less traveled.